Lesbian, Mother and Mexican

They are not part of the statistics. They are not material for articles during Mother’s day. Even as the press across the country runs stories about single mothers, teenagers becoming mothers or the polemical business of renting your uterus for couples with fertility problems: none of the articles mention Lesbian motherhood.

But the lesbian mothers themselves don’t seem to care. A quick google search finds them popping up in photos, proudly carrying their children, smiling at the camera. And even better: they are talking about themselves and the knowledge they’ve acquired by being gay and, at the same time, mothers. They are looking for other women (and sometimes gay men) who have the same experience, or are going through the same annoyances: gossip, rejection and the constant questions related to morals, science and religion.

In Mexico City there is an important group of Lesbian mothers, Grumale (Grupo de Madres Lesbianas or Group of Lesbian Mothers) which is made up of at least 19 gay families. Created in 1995 by the lawyer Rosa María Ortiz, Grumale is a space where Mexican gay mothers can talk about their experiences. Ortiz herself came out after being married to a man, and then, after an intimate struggle, she made up her mind and divorced her husband. That event did not prevent her from taking care of her three children.Moreover, she dared to become an activist, which meant “making my kids to come out too”.

Being a gay mother means having to teach your children how to deal with those who are ready to judge yout mother’s sexual orientation. It seems that Hugo, Ortiz’s son, has learned a lot. It is “an absurd stereotype to think that if your parents are gay or lesbians, you have to be like them”.

After more than a decade, Rosa María Ortiz has established Grumale as a group that organizes workshops, where women can talk about their experiences. Grumale welcomes all women, even if they are not gay. Mothers are considered part of he group, whether they are single or bisexual. According to Ortiz, part of the importance of Grumale is that its members are proposing a different kind of social structure, based on the principles of respect and equality within the family.

Workshops are also focused on educating women about their rights: health system, housing, nurseries, and sexual and reproductive rights. As part of Grumale’s activism, the group intends to make lesbians mother’s partners aware of what means being a mother. Of course, facing lesbophobia—from outside and from ourselves—is part of the workshops agenda.

An important contribution made by Grumale, is a video that documents cases of lesbophobia in hospitals, nurseries and work places. This documentary was part of the material presented to the Mexico City Assembly in order to show some evidence that Mexican families are changing and that they deserve rights.

Another interesting group of lesbian mothers, is the Comunidad de Madres Lesbianas (Comales, which is also the word for the pan used to make tortillas), based in Monterrey, Nuevo León—a city in Mexico’s conservative north.

Created in 2007, the goal of this group seems a bit more practical. They have monthly meetings and they legally advice their members when they have to fight for their children’s custody. Comales is a group aware of how difficult is to be a mother; they gather in order to hang out with other lesbian mothers and even take turns baby-sitting, so they can get a bit of adult time.

Contact: Grumale: http://grumale.8m.com/; omrm@correo.azc.uam.mx. Comales: cetonanonima@hotmail.com